To be completely honest, I am not unwavering in my desire to be a doctor for the underserved. Sometimes, I am convinced that to do so is my life passion. I am fascinated by health and healthcare. I love science. I love people. Though I am well aware that this sounds somewhat narcissistic, I always feel great about myself when I participate in community service and/or when I devote my time to something outside of myself. At other times, I am viscerally opposed to the idea of holding such an occupation. As I think I mentioned during the last class, I spent past August in rural Guatemala, volunteering as a public health aide in an indigenous community. In the brief period of a month, I had frustrating experiences similar to those encountered by doctors at Merced who treat Hmong patients. In Pueblo Nuevo, where I was living/working, inhabitants who came to my volunteer group claimed to be looking for health-related advice and basic medicines, whereas they really only seemed to be looking for free pills to pop. In the former part of the month, I earnestly tried to explain the need to drink water and eat leafy green vegetables to women complaining of vague pain and weakness; their eyes glazed over and they (quite obviously) pretended to listen when I denied them antibiotics. It was exceedingly frustrating for me that such inhabitants didn't seem to actually be interested in improving their health. At the same time, I was well aware that cultural and language issues prevented me from really connecting with my 'patients.' I was not well equipped with the cultural and anthropological background necessary to contextualize whatever ailments they were dealing with. Reading about the care of Hmong immigrants in Merced gave me cause to think more about something I began thinking about last August -- about how complicated patient care really is. Serving patients as culturally different as the Hmong people truly requires integration of Western medical and 'foreign' (and non-harmful) health-related practices. As Dr. Garcia told us repeatedly last Wednesday, medical practice is only part of the equation. I am very interested in acquiring the cultural background necessary to deliver optimal care to underserved patients, but I am also honestly deterred by how daunting a task it is. Like some of the doctors described in the excerpt we read, I don't think I will ably 'love' the Hmong people. I think it will take serious work for me to get to the place where I feel comfortable treating them. That idea of investing time in such work scares me.